Destroy, White Boy

It’s my inaugural Destroy, White Boy post! It should have happened a lot earlier but somehow uni always gets in the way of everything else. But seeing as though this is my very first post here, I thought it best to discuss one of the most important and pressing issues of 2011 or indeed, of our generation.

It was over a week ago now since this all came to a head, but the anger boiling inside me ever since has not abated. Naturally those so called ‘independent media agencies’ (which as we all know are simply part of the left wing propaganda machine spewing out hippie ideals like legalising drugs and things as silly as human rights for all) have been all quiet on the matter. Not even a wink of discussion. So of course it’s been up to the big, respectable newspapers like The Herald Sun, The Daily Telegraph and News.com to report on these very urgent matters as headline news. And report is what they did.

So if you are ignorant of the most important current events in Australia, let me break down the exact atrocity that has plagued the political landscape over the past two weeks. With a great heaviness in my heart, I regret to inform that our Prime Minister, the supposedly honourable, Julia Gillard did not curtsy to Her Majesty, Queen Elisabeth the 2nd. I’ll give you a moment to regain your composure.

Let me just repeat that so you can fully understand the implications. The Prime Minister of Australia.  Who is under the rule of the Queen of England. Did. Not. Curtsy.

I know it’s affected you. I saw it in the comments section on the news websites. The voice of Australians. It affected me profoundly as soon as I read  Owen Vaughan’s extremely balanced and unpersuasive  report in the news section of News.com (which means it has to be fact of course).

“Ms Gillard had made a Mr Bean-style mess of her own greeting. Although she did not end up head-butting the Queen…her half-handshake, half-bow had the same effect on royalists and etiquette experts,” he reported quite accurately. To highlight just how outraged the general public are at this disgusting lack of etiquette, Matthew Archer, the deputy chair of the Victorian branch of the Australian Monarchists League was asked to give his opinion on the impoliteness of Gillard’s actions: “I understand she thinks we should ditch the monarchy but it’s just a sign of courtesy, it actually would be a sign of respect.”

Right on Matthew. It is simply a sign of respect. Let us not forget that Gillard is supposedly a woman, and handshakes are men’s business. Does that mean there’s something else Julia, or JuLIAR (as she is becoming known by more and more, dare I say, extremely respectful and subject educated News Ltd readers) is hiding? So now we discover that not only is she an atheist and a republican, she’s also possibly even a man; refusing to abide by her womanly duties and instead shaking hands like the butch, cross dresser she is. If that’s not enough reason to be further terrified of the Green/Labor back door bedroom deal, then I don’t know what is.

And naturally the Australian public, not in anyway swayed by Vaughan’s outright factual reporting, was outraged by the PM’s lack of respect. And the public outrage was reflected across the diverse range of Australian Newspapers.

The Daily Telegraph’s headline proclaimed “Prime Minister Julia Gillard defends curtsy decision”, while the Herald Sun ran with “Look Julia, this is how you curtsy the Queen,” referring to a five year old girl who appeared to understand the notion of respect even more than our very own Prime Minister when she displayed a flawless curtsy to the Queen. Perth Now ran with “She should’ve shown common curtsy,” with the pun making it all the more newsworthy.

Yes, yes I know what you leftist, progressive, organic free trade soy latte sipping hippies would be spluttering at me right now amongst all the blah blah blah’s, same-sex-marriage-doesn’t- lead-to-paedophilia-bollocks: “But all these newspapers are owned by Murdoch! How is that diverse?”

Well, let me explain. You may need to put the bong down and listen intently for at least a minute to allow the words to sink through the haze. News Ltd is the largest employer of journalists in Australia, each with their own diverse opinion. How can so many journalists all share the same opinion. They simply report what the public are interested in. And just look at the headlines! They all have different words in them. How can you possibly claim they’re the same? There was far less in depth and meaningful discussion in any of the Fairfax press. Perhaps a reason why it’s losing so much money and slowly going out of business. Unable to keep up with important issues eh Fairfax?

But at the end of the day, one common theme has been exposed by the latest of Gillard’s fumbles: women can’t lead (Unless of course you have been given the divine right by our holiness, The Lord God himself. Something atheist sinner Gillard can never obtain). Clearly they don’t know their proper place in society and are now even beginning to act like men. New Zealand PM Helen Clarke started the craze back in 2002 by wearing pants to greet the Queen. You read correctly. PANTS! It’s sickening and almost as disgusting as that bright pink parrot suit Quentin Bryce was wearing. Though at least it was a dress, and she was able to show some proper decency by curtsying twice for the Queen. Very womanly, to her credit.  And just for the record: men wear suits so don’t need to be scrutinized on their fashion tastes like women do.

So yes, it’s been a terrible time for the Commonwealth of late. We have an indignant PM who refuses to apologise for defecating (metaphorically) on the union jack corner of the Australian flag. It may well have looked like the Queen had no issue whatsoever with Gillard’s show of incompetence and disdain for Royal protocols, and was in fact quite nonchalant about the whole matter. But as every monarchist knows, behind that non de-script or even pleasant expression was a seething contempt, unable to be spotted by mere regular humans. If it was up to me, I’d leave Gillard to the mercy of the rabbling News Ltd masses. They sure seem to know a lot more about how proper people should act.

As Aren Groskopf of Melbourne said, quite eloquently, when summing up the Gillard mess: ”Anither cringe worthy perforance you would expect from Julia Guillard. Trying to make a statement, and adds to her grwoing list of failures.” Couldn’t have said it better myself Aren (or Aaron? Maybe his parents were as passionate as he clearly is when they wrote his name on the registration form). Who needs to make sense when such a dastardly attack on our heritage is made by our very own Australian representative Gillard, if that is your real name.

Another line to add to Tony Abbott’s list of “Reasons why Julia Gillard should resign.”  This one should be going right to the top.